Diagnosis Check Up

Starting off right, I guess I should address something. This blog is not just going to be reviews, interviews, and my commentaries. While this blog is an attempt at professionalism, I still think that it can also be a place for me to talk about things in my life. There are a few reasons for this and it will be discussed in an Origin post.

As I have mentioned on Back on the Street numerous times, I am transsexual female. Do any of you understand that means? If not, here is the short version. I am born with male gentiles. So, that means my sex is male. However, what’s in between my ears tells me I am a girl. So, I am working towards becoming how I feel.


But, as of right now, I am not sure what I want to do about that. See, the problem with identity and labels is pretty simple; it just makes everything more complicated. I’m transsexual, because I want to have a vagina instead of a penis. But my gender identity is genderqueer. This simply means I want to portray myself anywhere from male, female, or somewhere in between. So, before I got into my problems I wanted to point out how they are partially self inflicted.

I sometimes second guess myself as a trans person. This may sound like an understatement to some, but let me explain myself. I wake up and look in the mirror to see all the things that make me very different from any other girl on the planet. When I get dressed, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. And, more than a few times recently, it has been pointed out to me in various ways. And it feels like being kicked in the nuts by steel toed boots.

I don’t fit the proper profile. I don’t have long hair, curves, fit into a size 12 dress at least, and I have a haughty beard shadow. I don’t fit into the beautiful drag queen mold. I am not a fairy boy. I get it. And yet, I don’t.

I don’t know why I can’t say, “Hey, I’m a girl. Please use female pronouns. Please call Amanda and don’t ask for my ‘real name’.” I hear a lot about not demanding acceptance. About respecting other people’s opinions. Sure, that sounds rational. But, do we say that to racists? I mean, like say “Hey you can people niggers and spicks and chinks. It isn’t like we would ever disrespect your opinions.” But we don’t say that, do we? We don’t condone their actions. So, why is there a stop loss with trans people?

Where is this going? I guess I just want to point out the issue. This post probably will just get scanned over amongst all the other stuff I put up here. But if I don’t say it, there is no knowledge.